Due to my perpetual love for both driving and drinking (not at the sametime, now) I have had the courts involved with my life for longer than I care to think about. I got two DUI's in the matter of 8 months. I used to despise the cops that pulled me over, cursing them over and over. Now, I would like to thank them for saving my life, and everyone else's. I can honestly say, I will never drink and drive again. For the last year I have had an ignition interlock (fancy word for breathalyzer) in my car. I have to blow into it every time the vehicle is started and every 20-40 minutes there after. So, the device is coming out next week. I feel like I should be over joyed and happy that I have one less thing controlling me. One less thing the courts can hold over my head. I will be saving $80 a month because I don't have to take it in to get it calibrated. But the truth is I am scared.
I am scared that one night I will fuck up and not think and get behind the wheel again. I know sitting here now, sober, in my right mind, that I would never do that. But once I fuck up and decide to put the bottle to my lips I become powerless. In a moment of weakness what happens if I slip up, get pulled over, and go to jail for probably 10 years or more. Scary right?! That would scare someone enough not to drink. Right?! Let's hope so.
Don't get me wrong, I am really happy that I am one step closer to having the courts out of my life. I really want to be able to move past all this drama and become a contributing member of society. But there are times I don't trust myself and that really sucks.